Niceness is seriously underrated. People just don’t seem to get how valuable it is to be a genuinely kind person. They think it’s some sort of weakness or worse, insipid. I don’t believe that, I’m going to tell you in this blog post why I think that.
The Kindness Muscle
Being nice isn’t something you’re just born with. It’s not like you wake up one day and suddenly you’re the nicest person on the planet. It just doesn’t work like that. Being nice, really nice, (I don’t mean virtue signalling) is something you have to work at. It’s a muscle you need to exercise.
Life’s Hurdles and How we React to Them
Life has this habit of throwing all sorts of nasties at you. It’s relentless. It’s so easy to let it grind you down. And when you’re feeling beaten and worn out, what’s the first thing you want to do? Lash out at the person next to you? They only asked if you wanted a cup of tea. Misery loves company but misery doesn’t own us. We can control how we react to life, and nice people do that in spades.
Kindness is a choice
That’s where being nice kicks in. It’s about taking all that stuff life throws at you and deciding, “You know what? I’m not going to be that person.” It’s about looking at the person next to you, who’s probably dealing with their own pile of problems, and thinking, “Maybe I can make their day a little better instead of worse.”
And let me tell you, that’s not easy. It’s a skill, a real skill. One that I have total respect for. In fact, I respect nice people above wealth, fitness or any other social metric we are told to live by.
The Ripple Effect of Kindness
Think about it. When was the last time someone was unexpectedly kind to you? Bet it made your day? That’s the power of being nice. You get a little buzz, or you calm down and the world feels like a better place if only for a few minutes. Surround yourself with nice people and the world is bearable.
Cultivating Kindness
So how do you get better at being nice? Ive been thinking about this. I’ve done some training recently, which has reminded me of other training and all the nice people I’ve met and how they deal with situations. This is what I’ve come up with (this is for my benefit, as well as a blog post!):
- Paying attention to how you react to situations. Are you snapping at people when you’re stressed? Catch yourself and take a breath.
- Say thanks more often, and really mean it when you do. This is an easy one. I automatically say it, because of my upbringing, but when I do it, I recognise it and then feel the gratitude for whatever that person has done.
- Help someone out without expecting anything back. It feels good, trust me. Something that I’ve done, is give some money anonymously when I really couldn’t afford it. I got a secret buzz, which I do feel guilty about. They needed it more than me, but I know I shouldn’t do it to feel good. So I’m conflicted, but in this case the end justifies the means. That person got help when they needed it.
- When someone’s being a total pain, try to imagine what kind of day they might be having. It doesn’t excuse bad behavior, but it might help you respond better. This is right up there with a high difficulty rating of 10 out of 10. I get bogged down with what I’m feeling. This is when I hermit.
- Throw out some compliments. Not the fake ones, the real deal. People can tell the difference. This is difficult for me in that I can’t generally complement someone on their appearance because of my eyesight, so when I do complement someone, they’ve really wowed me.
The Challenges and Rewards of Kindness
I’ve learnt, when you start being nicer, it spreads with a ripple effect. When you’re nice to someone, they feel good, so they’re nice to someone else, and before you know it, you’ve started this whole chain reaction of kindness.
Is it always easy? Absolutely not. There are days when the last thing you want to do is be nice. Days when you want to tell the world to go take a hike (or something ruder). And you know what? That’s okay. Being nice isn’t about being perfect. It’s about trying, even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.
So next time life’s got you feeling like you’re stuck in a meat grinder, take a second. Breathe. And try being nice. It might not solve all your problems, but it’ll make the world a little bit better. And in my book, that’s worth something.
Nice is underrated. But those of us who get it? We know it’s worth it and we do try and recognise other people who do. Nice people are my tribe.
Want to know more about how to be kind? Check out: Seeking Kindness: 9 Ways to Show Kindness (selecthealth.org)